Yeah! It's Friday! Now that I'm back in the U.S. and the only parent at home, weekends are a wonderful thing! I'm working hard to keep them free from too much activity, especially early in the day, because I do love to catch up on sleep during my weekends.
I've been laying low this week. Not a lot of posting on my online support groups, and no blogging. I only weighed in once this week...309. I've just been concentrating on avoiding the soy and making healthy food choices and drinking enough water. It's TOM this week, but the diuretic pills seem to help with the excess bloating and cramping. I feel pretty good!
I visited my spa twice this week. I got a long-overdue facial and then an hour-long Thai massage. I am learning to enjoy caring for myself. I don't understand why that's so difficult. Perhaps it's another thing over which I'm rebelling.
I don't like other people telling me what I'm supposed to look like, and there's a long list of people and institutions that felt like weighing in on that responsibility, so not spending time to care for myself was a passive way of removing myself from that situation. It also costs money, and there are so many other things to spend money on that seem far more responsible. I never understood the need to spend more time/money on products and services when I was clean and tidy. I didn't like anyone telling me that participating in certain rituals would make me, somehow, into more of a woman. I know I'm a woman, I have the anatomy to prove that. I'm not confused about who I am.
Perhaps it's because I don't easily fall into any traditional catagories of women. My identity is to not conform and not be tied down by labels. My personal style is very ecclectic and my tastes vary greatly. I eschew ritual and tradition unless I find purpose in it. I know that this taxes people who are trying to get to know me. I don't believe it's a way of putting people off so I don't have to get close to them. Perhaps I am trying to find people who believe in the effort it takes to connect with me. So far, the list of good friends is very short.
Weekends are for me to take time to reconnect with myself. A long indulgent shower, plenty of water to drink, naps, organize my bedroom and bathroom. (I sooooooo love having a bedroom and bathroom to myself - with my white bed linens and white towels - I need one of those white cotton spa robes and matching slippers!)
This week I noticed the more centered and grounded I felt, the better eating choices I made. Unless there are hot dogs in the house. I always choose the hot dogs!
(I found some all beef hot dogs that are completely soy free and uncured. Trader Joe's! Yum! If they were lower in salt, they'd be perfect. I like them cut up in my scrambled eggs, or I nuke one as a quick snack in the late afternoon. I have to limit myself to just two a day, maybe twice a week. 170 calories each. My evil indulgence...)
Energy levels are still low, but mornings are getting better and better. I look forward to cooler weather coming soon so I can go out for walks.