Weight is down again

Back down to 313 this morning. I did a little overeating last night and still dropped weight, so the meds do work with reducing water retention.

It's the first foggy day of the year...I really missed this weather over the last 25 years! I love the fall, the crispness of the air, the leaves changing. I've got my sweaters out and I'm happy to dress in cozy knits. Wish I could burn some logs in the fireplace. I'll have to ask the landlord if I am allowed to use it, because it looks like it's never been utilized.

Today I'm cleaning out the pantry, again. It's amazing how quickly it gets messy. Over the last few weeks I've bought some OXO storage canisters and I need to fill them and organize the whole place. The boys have reluctantly agreed to join in on the healthy eating routine. Quinn has lost 20 lbs since he moved in with us in July, and that's just from changing some of the things he was eating. Rhyan struggles, just like his mother. I evaluated his diet, because I'm the one who provides all his calories, and he's just not eating enough to be gaining weight on, and he's not eating unhealthy snacks or drinking sodas or fast food. So I don't know why he hasn't lost any significant weight since July. Only about five pounds. And that fluctuates.

Rhyan's got a terrible dry rash all over his body, so I'm putting us all on an elimination diet to discover allergies. It's a similar rash that Quinn has, and I had it as a child as well. For me, it just went away after I turned 20. But I don't think I want to wait that long for the boys.

I think we're going to do some form of Dr. Weil's anti-inflammatory diet, plus eliminate all dairy and processed foods from our diet for the next few weeks. Hopefully we'll see some good results.

Weight is up again

I'm back up to 318 today. I haven't weighed this much in weeks, and I'm very annoyed by it. I know why I've gained and I guess I'm annoyed because I was off plan for only two days in very small ways. It took so little to gain the weight back.

First I didn't take my water pill yesterday. I drank my usual amount of water and my body decided to retain it. Not happy about that! Second, soy has been creeping in to my diet again because I relaxed my vigilance. This creates inflammation and that means retained water.

Back to keeping a tight rein on everything. I have to stay on top of this!

At peace with the food and moving forward

Today, I'm feeling what I think is a healthy disapproval of my body. I still feel good about myself as a person, I feel centered and I also feel attractive. I recognize that I'm not doing everything that I can to be losing weight, and I feel a renewed sense of urgency to shed more weight...not the typical frustrations and lament that the statement "I'm so fat" brings with it.

I can see now and accept that I've been very subtly sabotaging my progress because I wasn't entirely ready to move forward. I am a stubborn woman. I do not want any part of my weight loss journey to be for anyone but me, for the purest reasons. I think I've sufficiently gotten over enough of my divorce/relationship/expectations demons to move on.

I am soooooooooo over fast food! And soooooooo over emotional eating! Is it possible that I've made my peace with food?

Three gulps of Coke

Tonight I went through the Jack-In-The-Box drive-thru on behalf of my son on our way home from his night class.  I had finished eating dinner around five o'clock and didn't plan to eat after that. I forgot to plan about how to handle the drive home from night school, which is a new but short-lived part to our routine.

(Must remember to plan for tomorrow night.)

I ordered a Jumbo Jack meal, with small fries and small drink. The drink was far bigger than I wanted. I wasn't hungry to begin with. I don't really know why I agreed to this detour. I ate the burger, a few of the fries (they were NOT what I wanted and I'm really not going back there). And again, the Coke tasted bitter. I had a few gulps, then threw it all out, with the fries, when we got home. Blech!

Now I feel itchy and my brain is on the move. I hope I can go to sleep.

NO MORE COKE! NO MORE FRIES!

Skipping Halloween

I don't remember Halloween being such a big deal when I was younger, or even 10 years ago. The boys and I decided to skip the festivities this year. They're too big for the trick-or-treating, I'm too concerned about health and money to enable widespread candy debauchery.

Still, when it came down to the "witching hour", my youngest, who is 12, was dragged off by his friend who was accompanying his three-year-old cousin. I let my son go, as this would be his first go at Halloween in the U.S. After the rudeness he encountered in the neighborhood, we're completely skipping Halloween from now on.

It wasn't the revelers out and about that were the problem. It was the adults at home. Several of them felt it was their duty to verbally point out how my son didn't need to be getting any candy due to his weight. They gave quite a bit more to the three-year-old, and a few extra pieces more to my son's friend, but my son only got one piece from each of them.

I am not upset that my son got the single piece of candy from these rude people. I'm upset that they felt the need to shoot off their mouths about his size. And only skinny, really young people "deserved" to be handed ridiculous amounts of the very substance they believed led to my son's physical size?

I want to go to all their houses, shove their pitiful little candy back into their faces and give them a piece of my mind! And then I will challenge them to do as many squats as my son can do! He beat nearly all his classmates at his tae kwon do class for holding a squat position, and the only person who beat him was a very tiny girl! And after that I will gladly educate them as to how we need to be combating obesity in America, not by promoting and supporting a ridiculous holiday just because it's a tradition (because we didn't even answer the door at our house), nor by verbally embarrassing children who weigh more than others, but by not supporting industry that creates and distributes foods that do not support our health. And then I would read to them about manners and courtesy, how good manners are all about treating everyone with respect. Even fat people. I would point out to them that we fat people are not a headless, silent minority and their personal whipping boys.

I'm thinking of a lot more I'd like to do to them all, because they shot off their mouths at my son, but I will refrain. I reminded my son that what those people said was more about their lack of character than anything, and certainly had nothing to do with him. And I will let it go so that it doesn't become a big deal to him. And I will continue to support my son with healthy food and opportunities for exercise and activities that promote health and exercise good character.

Maybe these people weren't loved adequately. I'm certainly having a hard time with it!

I'm cold and that makes me want to eat carbs

Just a few days ago, temps were back in the 80s and I was quite annoyed by that. I wanted to be cold! Emotionally, I'm really ready for it to be winter.

So today I was cold. And it was nice. I got out my heavier winter jeans, put on a sweater...it actually wasn't that cold. Mostly I really wanted it to be cold. And I wanted to eat winter foods to get warm. I made a pot of my brothy charro beans (pinto beans, bacon, onion, celery, tomatoes, green chilies) and a skillet of buttermilk cornbread and we ate well for dinner. During the day, I had brown rice with turkey meatballs and some sauteed spinach on the side. I drank hot tea and coffee.

I kept eating and drinking, hot foods to warm me, all day long. Could not stop and could not get warm! I ended up going for a nap just to warm up under the bed covers and to stop eating. Tonight I've got a little acid tummy from overeating. And I'm still cold. But I'm not hungry any more! Finally.

I think tomorrow I'll be trying more brothy soups with less carbs and more veggies. And maybe I need to increase my protein again. When I'm cold, I eat more carbs and less protein and I think that's why I get hungry. I've got some baby bok choy in the fridge, so perhaps I'll cook that in a broth-based soup with ginger and garlic, scallions and some shredded chicken and soba noodles.

I've also got a small stockpile of winter squash. I've never eaten acorn squash and I'm considering that as well. I just read how spices like ginger, garlic, cinnamon and nutmeg can help increase body heat and help circulation, so a spiced winter squash medley sounds tasty.

Have you noticed I'm not talking about exercise? Yeah, I noticed that too. Hmmm.

Fighting the fat cravings

Fatty foods really are my downfall. I love butter. I love olive oil, avocados, mayonnaise. Peanut butter on my celery, cream cheese on a bagel...cheese! I love cheese! Melted, spread, sliced and in a sandwich.

I don't love fried foods, which is a good thing. Last night I indulged, in a moment of weakness, and got some KFC. It was awful! It didn't taste good and felt terrible on my tongue. I'm not going there again!

This morning I got an email from the Real Age website. I subscribe to a newsletter from them. In it there was a link to an article on supplements that helps fight fat cravings. Today I'm going to look at my cabinet and see if my vitamin packs include the calcium/vit D combo. And if not, that's what I'm buying today!

The theory is that when someone is low on calcium they go for foods higher in calcium, like cheeses and other fatty dairy products (oh...sour cream is lovely too!), so getting enough calcium cuts the cravings. After that, adequate calcium intake seems to burn more calories from fat as well. Vitamin D is required for proper calcium absorption. You can get vit D from just 10-20 minutes in the sun every day.