Sunday, October 25, 2009

I feel 100 lbs. lighter!

Today was the last day of the Wired for Joy retreat. It was an amazing day for me. I had a huge, HUGE breakthrough regarding anger. I came to understand that I've stayed stuck in anger in order to avoid sadness, and I use humor to release me from the anger. In a small group setting, I was able to go through a cycle, examining my emotions, where the anger came from - fear and shame, and not feeling like I was good enough.  Those were my essential pains. They gave rise to the sadness, and loneliness as well. I was able to work through all of that to come to the conclusion, at the end of the seminar, that I am my own champion in life. And that's what I've been experiencing ever since.

I seriously doubted that statement on occasion throughout the day, especially on my five-hour drive home, through Yosemite. I didn't see much of the park. I cried for the first three hours, solidly, then intermittently once I could get radio signals again and I heard a series of love songs that would tip me over the edge again. I eventually felt free from the sadness, and I came to accept my role as champion of my life. And then a U2 song came on, one that always seemed to trigger tears and loads of guilt regarding my marriage. But with the new outlook, the song's lyrics suddenly sounded pathetic! Weak and cowardly! What a blessing!

There's going to be another seminar in April, this time in Tiburon. I may go to that one as well. In the meantime, I've hooked up with a provider for the method and I think we're going to get to work in the next couple of weeks.

But first, I need some good sleep!

I'm so glad to be home with my boys!

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