Waiting to get hungry

Today I woke up with renewed commitment to my efforts. I realized, after doing some simple math, that I've already dropped 10% of my weight and I'm finally on to the next 10% goal. There's a fresh pile of clothes I need to be rid of and I'm looking over some websites for new smaller ensembles. I'm finally at a size where I can actually be as picky about what I want to wear as who I want to date!

This morning, still suffering from lingering bronchitis that got me down over the weekend, I skipped Pilates. I don't like that. But chest is still stinging when I breathe deeply and my ribs and head hurt when I cough. I just need to rest. I ate heartily this morning, though. Breakfast was a whole bundle of pencil-thin asparagus, cooked till crisp-tender and then included in a single egg + 4 egg white omelet with a little French chevre (soft goat cheese) and a slice of the Julian Bakery sourdough bread, toasted. Yummy. Cooked it all with a little olive oil. A total of 378 calories. And that's all I've eaten today. That's all I wanted. I drank water, took nutritional supplements, but no other food.

I really want to wait until I feel hungry. I was angry with my mother a couple hours ago, but I didn't want to go into the kitchen and deal with the emotions through eating. I deserve to eat when I'm genuinely hungry. I also deserve to deal with the emotional situation with authenticity. I need to show myself some compassion. I need to accept that I can't make up for her state of mind and I am not responsible to make things right for her with other people. My actions must spring from my own sincerity.

That applies to eating as well. I am free to eat when I am sincerely hungry. And I will make a wise choice, at that time, that supports my efforts and wellness goals.

Penne with roasted veggies, from Giada

This doesn't make my cravings go away, however. Dammit! Do I have power over my cravings? I don't know. I'm craving pasta, a nice buttery bowl of pasta with vodka sauce, oven-roasted veggies and cheese. There's actually some in the freezer right now. I was saving it in case my son's girl friend was over and got hungry. She's vegetarian. It's almost five right now...dinner's not till seven...maybe I am a little hungry right now...

Old habits...no, I'm going to wait until I'm genuinely hungry!