What a long, strange trip it's been...

I'm sitting next to my suitcases, in preparation to fly back home to Kazakhstan tomorrow. As I think back over the last three months, I see that the activity of life in general has a way of muscling in on my concentrated efforts at achieving optimum health. Well, not so concentrated over the last month. This road wellness takes a lot of effort to stay on track consistently. I've never been one to remain consistent and focused on anything for very long, so I'm breaking an old habit of giving up and re-wiring my brain to stay on course.

Hauling 50 lb. suitcases has done me in this week! My knees are in pain, my shoulder is aching, so much for physical therapy and cortizone shots. I feel old and feeble. I need one of those strapping young men, like a personal porter, to carry my bags for me. Yes, that's it, a strapping young man to do my bidding...oh, the thoughts I'm thinking!

Ok, so I went to my women's retreat. If you're at a crossroads in your significant relationship and are wanting the relationship, and yourself, to grow up and expand, you need to go to the women's retreat put on by the Marriage and Family Health Center of Loveland, Co. This retreat is not for the faint of heart! Be prepared to do some serious emotional work. It's like concentrated therapy, very fast moving and profound. I learned a lot about myself, looked squarely in the face of my life and how I do things, and came out with a new sense of purpose for myself. It was a very enriching experience, plus, I met and befriended a lot of amazing women and have come away from the retreat with a whole new support network. Additionally, if you ever wanted a safe forum to discuss and learn more about sex, this is the one!

By Wednesday morning, I'll be back home and starting a fresh routine of exercise. I've got some planning to do while I'm on the plane. My injuries are going to be limiting my fitness opportunities. I need to stay with walking, but increase it to three hour-long walks a day at an RPE (Borg Rating of Perceived Exertion Scale) between 12-14 (somewhat hard). Once my knee starts feeling better, I'll switch in different activities for the walking, like my Shimmy and Core Rhythms DVDs, and my rowing machine. If I'm really serious about losing weight, I have to be really committed to a higher level of cardio exercise.

For weight training, I've got some modifications to do for my arms (no more than 5 lbs.) and continue with my physical therapy exercises to strengthen my rotator cuff. I've also got to continue with strengthening my quadraceps. The pain I'm experiencing will go away with Aleve over the next few days, and I won't be prone to as many strains with more weight loss, but strengthening those muscles is of utmost importance to avoid further injures to my knees.

My food choices are more limited in Kazakhstan, especially with cooler weather setting in. I'll have to get my spinach started in my Aerogarden, and see if I can find frozen vegetables that will meet my needs. Winter squash will be showing up soon, which is an excellent source of dietary fiber, as are beets and cabbage, which are ubiquitous in Russian cuisine. I also have to stock up on meats for the winter. When it get's icy outside, that's not the time I need to be slipping around at the market parking lot with my bum knee.

I'm still weighing in at 314 lbs. My weight went up (by 10 lbs.!) over the last month, due to a lot of eating out and my exercise tapering off while traveling. But once I cut that off, it dropped back down again. I look forward to breaking 300 lbs. soon, I hope before Christmas. I'm not feeling anxious about that number any more. And once I break it, I will have lost nearly 50 lbs. and 30% of my goal will have been achieved!

Ok, I'll chat with you in a couple of weeks, after I've gotten past the jet lag and gotten the house in order, and more importantly, back into my routine.

What the ...?

It's just been five days since I last posted an entry, and I've surprisingly dropped down to 314 lbs! That's an all time low since I began my journey here. I wish I could say it was because I kept to my new limits of 60 gms. of carbohydrates a day and 60 gms. of fat. I wish it was because I actually increased how much cardio I was doing on a daily basis.

The only thing I've changed is that I started taking a pill for my blood pressure, and I started taking capsules of Ceylon cinnamon bark after each meal and a daily vitamin pack for diabetes that includes chromium picolinate. I did drop carb intake down to 100 gms. for most days, but the last couple of days, I've had some serious carb cravings and yesterday, I totally strayed off course while we were out shopping for school supplies and new clothes. I at just over 2100 calories, went over on sodium by 35%, and took in nearly 200 gms. of carbs. And then lost an additional 2.5 lbs. since yesterday. We did walk a lot all over town and went miniature golfing after everything, but I wasn't tired at all by the end of the day so I didn't expect to have burned off that much. In fact, I totally expected to have gained weight this morning.

Today I'm heading back to the supermarket to load up on fiberous vegetables. I'm not going to lose the ground I've gained here!

Pardon me while I head for the elliptical cross trainer again this morning...

I know it's been over a month since I wrote last, but it is the summer, after all. We're not supposed to be online so much. We're supposed to be out enjoying the summer months.

Whatever! It's been smokey here in Northern California and I haven't been able to go out much. And when I have, it's been for not very fun things, like running errands and going for medical appointments or shopping for school supplies.

And speaking of medical appointments, I'm now being tested for PCOS. It may explain why the weight loss has come to yet another standstill. I've not been able to get past 317 lbs. for weeks and weeks now. I'm changing up my diet in order to deal with this. Even less carbs (down to 60 gms.), and really make sure they're all low on the glycemic index, really limit the saturated fats and increase the Omega 3 types of fats. And I need to increase how much cardio I'm doing.

I spoke with Beth the fitness coach on Monday. We talked about caving to cravings, and how important it is for me to keep a tight rein on my indulgences now, and how I'll be able to loosen things up the closer I get to goal weight. It's all perspective, I guess. If I can plan for indulgences wisely, space them out a bit farther for now, then I may keep my forward progress on a more consistent basis. The reward will be breaking this insulin resistance, resolving the diabetes threat, and getting off of blood pressure medication altogether.

I'm up to 15 minutes on the elliptical trainer now, but it really hurts my knees. I'm having to back off on that, doing just 5 minutes at a time over several times a day. If I do 5 minutes every hour over 12 hours, that's 60 minutes a day on that thing! I'm going to attempt that this week and see how strong my quads can get working out like that.

I also went to my orthopedist yesterday, who gave me a shot of cortizon in my right shoulder. I have really strained the rotator cuff, so I'm off of most upper body exercises that involve arms for now. I'm using 2 lbs. weights on rotator cuff exercises to strengthen the rotator cuff for now and will be going to a physical therapist very soon for further work. I've also got to take 2 Advil twice a day to help with the inflamation. Once I get the all-clear, I can get back to my regular upper body and core exercises that involve my arms, probably in a couple of months.

I'm feeling confident that I'll be moving forward with weight loss again in a short period of time. I have to feel confident, because backsliding is OUT OF THE QUESTION!!! I am on a path towards optimum health and wellness, and I'm in command of how good I can feel, inside and out.

Working on the inner woman

With both my feet firmly planted in my mid-life crisis (my sister says I've been in one for the last ten years, but frankly, I'm just a seeker), I'm going to attend a women's retreat in September, one that I've wanted to attend for the last eight years. This is the first opportunity I've had to do so. You can read about it here. It's put on by the Marriage and Family Health Center from Evergreen, Colorado. They do it twice a year, once in Marin County, CA (along the Pacific coast) and once in Loveland, Colorado.

After the life-altering experience at Green Mountain, I am looking forward to sharing with a company of women who are like-minded, wanting to change their perspective on life from the inside out. I'm ready to rekindle my spiritual nature, to move forward with purpose. I have a lot of mental and emotional energy ready to be channeled into something much more meaningful.

I have wanted my exterior view to be more in alignment with my authentic self. I don't think I can achieve that without knowing who that really is. Maybe once my inner being is fully realized I can be at peace with my body image.

Always do your research

I am so steamed right now!!! I did some research over the last two days about elliptical cross trainers, made a decision about a couple of manufactures and models, then drove into town today to a local fitness equipment store to look into what they carried. They're known for selling used and refurbished equipment, as well as new stuff. I was immediately met by a sales person who rapidly tossed out facts about ellipticals, what everyone else buys, how they were having a sale on some really great models from one manufacturer, and despite all my research, I was herded into a sale. At one point, the sales clerk even made a bald-faced lie to me, stating that the unit he was promoting carried 500 lbs. For me, at over 300 lbs, that sounded sturdy enough for me, so I bit.

I paid for everything on my credit card and left, chosing to go back tomorrow to pick up the equipment with a different car. I just got done looking into the elliptical trainer I bought and found out from the manufacturer's website that the unit is only good for users under 300 lbs., and the unit model is not the lateest model, but rather, a couple of years old. It's probably old stock that he's trying to move! I called the store to talk to this sales clerk about everything I had read online but he was already gone for the day. I also discovered he was actually the owner of the store.

Well, I'm going back in the morning and getting this taken care of! I was also going to buy a weight bench and a bar and set of weight from the store, but found the bench I was sold was not a good quality bench either. I don't mind buying used equipment, but I do mind buying inferior equipment. My sons will be using this equipment as well and I don't need them getting hurt in the process of trying to get fit.

I'm angry that I allowed myself to get caught up with a sales pitch. I'm going in armed with documentation next time!

PS) Well, I went back to the store the next day, ready to cancel my order, but upon further discussion with the store owner, I decided to stay with the elliptical trainer I originally bought. He told me that the manufacturer's website rated their equipment for a lower weight for personal liability, but the store was actually carrying the warranty, and the owner said they personally tested the equipment before setting the new higher weight rating. Normally, they have a 30-day no-questions-asked return policy, but the owner gave me an extended 60 days to test the trainer. Also, when I decided I didn't want the flimsy bench I had chosen before and found a better, sturdier weight bench, he gave me the upgrade at the lower price of original bench, along with the longer, required weight bar.

So, my son and I put the trainer together this morning (easy to do!), and got it set up in the living room. I've already been on it. It's comfortable to use, and got my heart rate up pretty quickly. I watched my son use it, and where ever there was a weld, the unit was solid and sturdy. At this time, the unit is on the livingroom carpet, so when he was screwing around a little, the unit was torquing left-to-right, but when I told him to stop messing around, again, the unit appeared solid. When we change our floors to bamboo planks next summer, it should be much more stable.

I'm not comfortable with publically naming the unit yet. If it performs well (and I'll be putting it through it's paces), then I'll share the make and model number.

Managing body fat distribution

Yesterday I was reading articles on the Burn the Fat Inner Circle website that I belong to and came across an interesting article regarding body fat shifting. This is something I had suspected of going on in my body, but I had no information on the subject nor ever heard of it before. What I have experienced is that during my weightloss, some parts of my body have been slimming down faster than others, and my clothes have been getting looser overall, but some areas of my body, namely my midsection and inner thighs, at times, seem to have fat redistributed into them. My jeans are appreciably looser in the seat and outer thighs, but the inner thighs and midsection just aren't as loose. I've gone from a size 32 to a 26 overall, but body measurements in some areas haven't reduced much at all.

So then I was reading this article yesterday and there's some new research out about this. Basically, the process of losing fat is a matter of fat cells being released into the bloodstream to be converted into energy in the pancreas to be used for fuel. Keeping your carb intake to under 30% facilitates this more. So all that energy is floating around, ready to be used. But your body doesn't necessarily anticipate all your needs, so lets say you don't use all that accessed energy. Your body's got to put it back into storage. And that's where the redistribution comes in. The fat that was accessed may have been where, genetically speaking, fat comes off the easiest for your body. For me, it's my face and forearms. And breasts (damn it!). When it get's re-stored, it doesn't get back to where it was before. It goes to where your body is genetically more predisposed to store it now at this stage of life. And for perimenopausal women like me, that's the mid-section and legs.

Well, that just sucks!!! But it's another arguement for me to ramp up that cardio effort. In Tom Venuto's Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle, he states that if he were overweight, that he'd choose to do cardio workouts twice a day in order to burn it off. Combining that with the information I've read in Lyle McDondald's Rapid Fat Loss Handbook, to keep my carb intake 25% to 30% of my calories in order to convince fat cells more readily to be converted into energy, I need to use up that released energy as much as possible.

I think this is what my new routine while I'm in the US is going to have to look like in order to keep burning that fat:

• Seven days of complete body stretching to improve my range of motion.
• On six days during the week, in the mornings, alternate between upper body and lower body weight training, in a circuit training fashion, with five sets of three exercises that are comprised of weights and core exercises, starting with 10 minutes on the treadmill for warm up, three sets of five minutes on the elliptical cross trainer or bicycle/medicine ball combination, and end up with a ten minute cool down on the treadmill.
• In the afternoons, work up to 45 minutes on the elliptical cross trainer. I know this will take some time to work up to, but it's a good goal.

I've been more than a little fearful of my body turning into the shape of a bottle of Drambuie, with excessively large hips and thighs in relation to my upper body. If I don't use up the released energy everyday, that's exactly what I'll look like! How's that for motivation?

Tomorrow I'm going into town to a shop with used and refurbished exercise equipment. I'm buying a commercial grade ellitical cross trainer, an adjustable weight bench, and I'm getting more dumbbells for my weight set - 8, 10 and 12 lbs. Perhaps a weight bar. And some medicine balls and an exercise ball. I'm turning my living room and back patio into a home gym. Jeez, I might need to get a job delivering newspapers for the summer! I wonder if I could be a mail carrier for a couple of months, just to walk all over town and deliver the mail.

Ramping up the efforts

I've taken a personal day today, to recover from travel and regroup. And do laundry. Lots and lots of laundry! I'm happy to report that my knees did beautifully while on our trip, so I'm thinking it's time to really start to push myself regarding exercise. I want to see some real results!

I want to be able to keep up with more people when I'm hiking or walking. I have this thing...it's all about being a big woman but not to feel penalized over it. I want to be able to keep up with others, even really fit people. In fact, I want to surprise them with how strong I really am, to blow their assumptions about fat people out of the water. I want to have just as much endurance as the next person, or more. It's a subtile, below-the-surface sort of competition on my part. Unrealistic, I'm sure, but it's still there. So I'm setting some new goals for myself regarding my cardio fitness.

I don't know how to quantify that goal just yet. Here's my problem...I HATE CARDIO!!! I enjoy walking, nice leisurely strolls through town, even up hills. I love a nice hike, not too strenuous, through the redwoods in the Pacific Northwest. I like a recreational bike ride on a bike with a really comfortable seat. I like the idea of canoeing. I love dancing.

However, I don't like doing anything that makes my lungs burn, even a little. I won't run or jog. I won't ride a bike for 20 miles. I won't hike for more than an hour, especially wearing a backpack. I loathe aerobic classes of any sort. Being on the treadmill for more than 15 minutes at a time...that's pushing it!

I am going to have to get over myself in order to increase that cardio effect. I managed to do it with weight training. After two weeks of weight training at Green Mountain, I really developed a love for it, and I rarely miss my workouts. I love how I feel after a good workout. I like taking my time, making sure I have really great form, and happily perform three sets of 15 repetitions with the most weight I can use. I don't mind feeling any soreness afterwards, and after several months of weight training, experience very little muscle soreness any more. I like how strong I'm becoming. I like feeling my muscles. My shoulders are beginning to show a little definition, even through the fat, and when I flex my triceps and I feel around for them through my floppy kimono arms, they are rock hard and amazing!

I am about to really set up my workouts to improve strength in my lats and throughout my core, and I'm so excited about it! I wish I could feel the same about cardio, because I know that a good cardio routine will ramp up the fat burning machine in me. And when that excess fat layer is gone, the beautiful muscles will already be there!

I'm just about down to the weight I need to be in order to use the elliptical cross trainer at my gym. It's an older machine, rated for a maximum of 300 lbs. I haven't used it yet because my knees haven't been up to it, but I think I'm over that now. If I want to get on one fast, I think I may need to invest in one. That way, the gym workouts can be more about weight training in circuit with the treadmill (5 to 10 minutes at a time, a total of six times), and I can use the elliptical cross trainer at home, while watching TV, for an afternoon workout. I found one that will hold me now, rated for 375 lbs., and it's got some good reviews. I think I'm going to get rid of my old sofa and replace it with the elliptical cross trainer.

If I cut back my days at the gym to three days a week and do my full body circuit training workouts on those days, and then follow up with a half an hour on the elliptical at home in the afternoons, I'll be happy with that. On the other three days per week, I can perform core exercises and the elliptical at home.

Developing a core routine is also something I want to work on. I don't do dedicated core exercises. I'll toss in some Supermans, crunches and other similar moves during my circuit, just so I can get the core engaged. I was using a cardio dance DVD for a little, but don't have the space for it in my townhouse. That's one reason the sofa has to go! But I don't believe the DVD is enough for me. I want to really work on my back muscles, glutes and abs all around. My midsection is just one huge floppy mess! I'm really hoping that the core work will help combat that.

So, there's a rough idea of where I'm going for the remainder of the summer. Later this week I'll write out a specific routine and post it here and let you know how I do with it.