Monday, January 25, 2010

Still don't feel like writing...but

I'm looking for inspiration, help for getting me out of my recent funk.  I'm slowly starting to crawl out of it.  Last week, certain legal matters were agreed upon that means the divorce will be final soon.  At first I was happy to have these things settled, but it didn't take long to drop back down to a truly low emotional state again.  More eating, until I got really uncomfortable for a few days.  Weight popped back up to 325 lbs.  And then I freaked out.  I am not letting this situation drag me back to where I was, at 353 lbs., and feeling physically wasted.

So, I'm climbing out of my funk, getting control over the diet and the overeating again.  This morning I weighed in at 318 lbs.  My knees feel better.  I started recording my food intake again.  I was over 3000 calories a day, I'm sure, for a few weeks there, but as of today, I'm back to 1800 calories.  Fiber came in at 33 gms.  Still struggling with fat intake, but I'm taking steps to drop that too.  Am replacing whole eggs with egg whites again.

All the overeating led to increased soy intake. Getting control of that again has helped me feel better. My hands were really achy for about two weeks, but now with the fresh elimination of soy, I'm not so creaky any more.

I'm looking for opportunities to make new friends. I went to a spiritual growth meet-up group last week.  It wasn't really what I was looking for. They were more concerned with promoting their spirituality as it pertained to channeling, angels, crystals, and other things of that sort. Not really what I was looking for.  I'm not interested in joining a bible study group or joining any religious group. I'm more interested in finding my authentic spiritual path. I think I may have to do that on my own.  I know I'm being led somewhere. I feel it in my gut. I just have to trust that I'll get to where I need to be and that I'll grow along the way. I'm trying out a philosophy discussion group next week. Hopefully they'll actually want to discuss philosophy and not compete. I know all the words to Monty Python's Philosopher Song! Not many would admit to that!

I'm turning 49 soon. Not sure how I'm feeling about that now. Very mixed emotions. I don't want to grow old and become irrelevant. My personality is too big for that. I saw a program on PBS about encore careers. That sounds very appealing, to be valuable for my life experience. I want to be healthy and strong in order to do that. I don't see retirement in my future. I want to see life!

Wow, look at how much I wrote! Not bad for not being in the mood.

I caught The Heavy on Dave Letterman last week. Such a cool band!


screaming fatgirl said...

I'm very sorry that you haven't been doing well with your weight loss and have had so many problems. It's hard to introduce positive change in your life when you're preoccupied with negative things.

Regarding spiritual issues, it is difficult to find someone to talk to about such things who is not trying to sell you something or get something from you. I've found books by Jane Roberts, Brian Weiss, and Jenny Cockell of interest. Jane Roberts series of "Seth" books are more philosophical (and very, very free of dogma). You may want to see if your local library has any books by these people.

There's also a forum which has some interesting ideas at:

Good luck, and I hope things improve for you soon.

Georgia said...

Thank you for the comforting words. You're really helping me to stay focused on my goals and I very much appreciate that.

Thanks for the information on spiritual issues. I will definitely look up those authors this week at the library. -G

golduchi said...

Personally, I love your 49th birthday. That two month panic time is now over, and you are still my older sister : )

Linda said...

Hi Georgia, I just want to say, EMPHATICALLY, that you are not and will never ever be irrelevant. I got to know you during two great weeks at Green Mountain, and we've exchanged a few e-mails since then, and you are already a significant influence on my life. Just knowing that you are out there (albeit on the other coast) being you is a huge inspiration for me.

Regarding spirituality, if you were in my area, I'd suggest you join my church's (Unitarian Universalist)small groups ministry program. People meet in small groups (5-10 people) twice a month for deep conversation and connection. It's an amazing experience. (And, Unitarian Universalism is all about finding your own spiritual path). You might check in your area for religious organizations that have small group ministry programs. Lots of places have them - many religions, not just UUs.

If you want to get in touch, my info is the same...

Georgia said...

Goldie, I may be older, wiser, and when I don't color my hair, the gray is more obvious, but I will always have less freckles than you!!!!! And I believe that I have fewer wrinkles than you, but that may be because I can't see so well any longer.

Georgia said...

Linda, I miss you so much! How are you? I've been keeping in touch with Chris on a regular basis and I often reminisce about our snowy adventure in VT.

I found the local UU church, just 30 minutes away, so I will definitely check them out. Thanks for the referral. I tried to find a group in my hometown, but the town is too small and "traditional" to allow for such rebels. I think the 7th Day Adventists are only tolerated because they were here first!

I will email you soon!