I forgot to tell you about my mother's bathroom scale...

You know how in "Sleeping Beauty" the Evil Step-Mother had that mirror for self-validation? My (evil) mother has a scale, which she uses to heap her crap on whomever visits her and makes the mistake of stepping on it. Ok, who puts a bathroom scale in the guest bathroom?

"Scale, scale, on the floor, who's ass can't fit through the door?" OMG!!! It's still me!

I swear, that scale weighs me 10lbs. heavier than what my bathroom scale, my doctor's scale, and the gym's scale all say...and by the way, they all concur within two pounds.

I'm never getting on that thing again!