So, I recently turned 47 (to my chagrin). I was hurtling through the second half of my life, still reeling from the first half. I felt as if I was using up a lot of energy while generating nothing meaningful. You gotta love a good mid-life crisis! After some soul-excavation, I figured out that it was time to stop defining myself in terms of what I had accomplished (which thoroughly unimpressed me). It was time to excise my regrets (which thoroughly saturated me). It was time to redefine my desires in contemporary terms. Now is the time to be exactly who I am, my most genuine self, while I'm still motivated and capable to act with purpose.
I'm living alone right now, which is good. It's an opportunity to set aside the dirge that's been playing in the background of mind, the one composed by those who still think they are entitled to a piece of my soul. No more talk of the past. On to a new future!
I have to give credit for my enlightenment to some amazing people I met last month. I went to Green Mountain at Fox Run and got to spend some quality time with some soul sisters! What a way to start the new year! I learned so much about myself, I was validated as my genuine self, and I experienced some new feelings and sensations. I actually like to exercise! And taking care of myself is a great thing!
So, from this day forth, I'm chronicling my progress towards becoming the woman I really, truely am most happy being. I have goals...to experience joy more frequently, to be completely present when I am being loved, to share myself with others in the most meaningful ways. The transformation will occur on many levels, in many ways. I'll be uncluttering my life, casting off irrelevant things, people and ideas. I'll try new things. I'll set goals, and I'll discover what hinders my follow-through. I'll become active. I'll finally, finally express my ecclectic sense of style unabashedly. I'll be louder, uncomfortably so. I'll find joy in stillness. I'll discover my true spiritual calling.
Gosh, there seems to be lots of room in my life for dark chocolate paired with good red wine. And hearty belly laughs. And time to appreciate fine men!