Oh happy day!

299!!!!!!!

Didn't gain, didn't lose...

Others are telling me that I did good by having maintained my weight while on vacation. I'm trying to talk myself into being happy with that. But I am happy that I went, and I feel pretty damn good right now. Creativity is back (yeah!), enthusiasm for life is flowing again...I'm even motivated about getting right back into the weight loss routine.

On Facebook, someone posted my high school picture (we're ramping up to a reunion in a few weeks). Well, at least I'm still that tall. And my hair looks better now. If only I had another five years to get back down to that weight before the reunion. Really, that girl looks great! But inside, she was so clueless, confused about where to go, and her self-esteem was really low. I felt so huge, and powerless.

I wonder what I'm going to look like when I get to goal weight. I'm hoping I look a lot more toned, more definition in my shoulders, arms and back. Hope my thighs are smaller. My stomach should be flatter too, because back then, I had hardly any core strength. I had no ambition for becoming more athletic or even active. I feel very different about that now.

My summer goals:

1. Stay on track with the intermittent fasting. It works for me.
2. Stay on track with keeping carbs low. That also works for me.
3. Get back to the exercise. Pilates tomorrow night, plus daily aerobic activity and weight training.

I slipped into my size 24 pants while I was away. They all fit! Yippee! Shooting for getting them really loose by September. I like it when that happens!

Should I blog while on vacation?

I'm leaving for L.A. soon. With regards to staying on my optimum wellness track, I'm going to have fun! Hanging out with people I truly enjoy. Lots of laughter. And my mother is not coming along! In any way!

(By the way, if she calls you to find out where I am, tell her I told you I'm at UCLA at a writer's conference...)

(Plausible deniability.)

So, while traveling, I can easily stick to the intermittent fasting. Not a breakfast eater, planning to sleep in some. Spending the first few days shopping and won't be eating till later in the day. Keeping food choices clean and low-carb. No fast food. I won't be tracking calories and I won't be weighing myself, so this is going to be an exercise in really living with the choices that I make. Intuitive eating and exercise. I've packed my Pilates gear and some weights into the car too.

I packed along all my size 24 clothes too. They are all in their own little suitcase. Not quite fitting into some of them, but it's close. It would be lovely if by the end of the trip, I could button all the buttons and zip the zippers and not see lines where the fabric is pulling. That's my incentive and my yardstick on the trip.

Yesterday, I had my pair of size 26 jeans from Lane Bryant on. I'm bloated, so the waist still fit, but the seat and thighs were roomier than before. It's odd that I'm now losing fat through my seat and thighs before my waist. But I'm still dealing with stress on a daily basis (see my other blog to read about that), so I don't expect the waist to whittle down too quickly.

So, I don't know if I'll be blogging while I'm away. Bringing the laptop along, so I might slip in on occasion. Just to report on how much fun I'm having...

Tweaking, tweaking, just keep tweaking

I've had some solid period of time where I've consistently kept my calories below 1600. I actually averaged 1580. I exercised consistently as well, but only Pilates. I kept my nutrients closer to what the CDC suggests, proteins at around 50 gm, carbs at a minimum of 130 gm, and I tended to fill in with healthy fats like avocado and olive oil. I kept fiber at 30+ gm. by eating lots and lots of vegetables and a little fruit.

Results...I didn't lose an ounce! In fact, I maintained my weight very consistently. Today I weighed in at 303 lbs. Lesson learned: that's my current maintenance level! I'm down 50 lbs total. I used to be able to lose weight eating more, but those days are gone. I have to accept that I need less calories now. And that my body is still insulin resistant and carb-sensitive. And that I'm going through menopause. And that I just have to eat less and exercise more, especially after I eat. And to not count the calories burned from exercise so I can let myself eat more. And I need to do more weight training again to build more muscle.

During the past few weeks, I've struggled so with hunger. I drank coffee with cinnamon, took extra cinnamon capsules, took those HCG drops, tried to distract myself with activities, ate those Miracle Noodles with no calories or carbs in them (if you really want to clear out your intestines, eat a package of those!), meditated, did extra plank progressions (my waist is a little smaller!), but I'm still hungry all afternoon and evening, like never before. I think it's because I cut the protein.

So, this week's dietary tweaks...cut calories a little more, increase protein to 120 gm and keep it lean (where it was before and I didn't get hungry all the time), cut carbs to below 100 gm, keep fiber at 30+ gm and fill in with healthy fat choices. And drink lots of water. For exercise...I missed Pilates this morning so I'm going to do it on my own in the living room this afternoon, then continue with that daily. Will keep up with the rowing machine and weights for upper body.

Next week is vacation week! My plan is to bring my Pilates toys and weights with me. And actually use them. And I hope to be walking a lot, whilst shopping and looking for the movie stars at the mall. And I will stick to the dietary plan too...intermittent fasting and the right nutrient mix to manage hunger and cut calories.

I do believe I will be getting extra liquid calories next week, in the form of Chardonnay and Petite Sirah. And gin. (No, not all at once!) Let's put those under the category of grown up fun and stress management!