Excuses

Going back to Staging Your Comeback, my next assignment is to explore my excuses for not taking better care of myself, for letting myself go. I'm already getting knots in my stomach...

1. I would have to say that the biggest reason I haven't taken care of myself is because I just haven't felt well. On day when I feel really good, I dress for it. I long for clothes that bring out the best in me. On days when I feel like crap and I am forced to dress up, I feel so uncomfortable and I can't wait to get home to change into something soft and comforting.


2. I don't like what's in my closet.

Based on that first reason alone, I have a fresh perspective on caring for myself and moving towards optimum health. My personal healthcare has been rather reactive in nature. I didn't put alot of thought into caring for myself. What ever healthy eating/living that had been occuring in my life was more due to preference choices (I like vegetables, I didn't really like fried foods, I enjoyed dance classes, I don't enjoy heavy drinking, etc.) I guess that's more about being young and not feeling the effects of poor health just yet. Feeling older is quite a wake-up call!

So it would follow that the better I care for my health, the better I'll feel, and the better I'll want to look in order to reflect my inner state of wellbeing. And that's where what's in my closet comes in. I've been buying based on how I felt for a very long time, so the closet is full of schlumpy clothes. T-shirts, jeans, lots of the same dreary colors. There are a few pieces that I really like, but they're not complete outfits yet. I really need to get sewing again!

I was looking at the Ann Taylor website today. There's this silk shirt dress that I want to copy. It's very sophisticated. The cuffs are elegant. The fabric has a slight stretch to it. I need to find some similar fabric.

This morning on one of the "this-is-how-you're-supposed-to-live-your-life+news/weather" morning shows, I saw some fashions made with sweatshirt fabrics. This could be a good thing, provided they were made properly. Comfort and style. A soft plum structured blazer over a crisp white tailored shirt and a pair of dark jeans. A heathered gray ruana wrap over a dove gray cashmere turtleneck and dark wool flannel slacks. And lots of layered pearls and chains. Very Coco Chanel.

Just to make sure I was working on the right issue, I actually looked what it means to "let oneself go"...according to sources on the Internet, it's an idiom that means to let one's appearance and health suffer or to neglect one's personal hygiene and appearance. According to Oprah (& co.), this is why we women do this:

Women aren't on their own list of priorities. After taking care of everyone else, they are always putting themselves last on the list, and often have very little left to give. There are many women who aren't living—they are just existing. This is a form of self-abuse. Women often wear their exhaustion as a badge of honor. The more you do for your loved ones, the more acceptable it becomes to "let yourself go." Women believe it's okay to become a "sacrificial lamb" within their own
families.

This rings true for me. I was not raised to put my self-maintenance high on my priority list. I still struggle with feeling guilty over it. Going to get a massage feels like a guilty pleasure. I don't even tell my mother about it, and yet I really need it in order to maintain my health. I remember my mother commenting about a woman with three children who took time to maintain her nails. She concluded that she was not a good woman. I still don't get my nails done more than once every quarter.

I'm worried if I don't care for myself, I'm not exhibiting some sort of self-respect and in turn, my sons will come to view women with less respect. It's already tough to convince adolescents that hygiene is important to their health. They don't seem to care what others think of them. I didn't have any sort of model at home regarding hygiene when I was growing up. Without a father around, I'm wondering how to do this for my boys.

That's it! I've got to call the salon for a hair appointment next week. I've got a Pepe Le Pew stripe going along my hairline and my hair is looking tired and untidy. Time for a color and cut. And maybe a good full body exfoliating treatment.

Biggest L...

I just watched Biggest Loser for the first time. I'll never get those two hours back. What a monumental waste of my time!

That's all the time I need to spend on that topic.

Today was a good day, a recovery day. Got the grocery shopping done, household chores, I walked, baked bread, shuttled kids. For dinner I cooked turkey cutlets simmered in a Thai curry sauce with coconut milk and Thai seasonings and layered cauliflower and baby carrots on top. Served that with brown and wild rice. Yum!

I went rather high with the calories today, around 2300. Carbs and fats were higher than normal due to some Trader Joe's naan I had with hummus for lunch. And the coconut milk. But I so rarely have the coconut milk, like once every six months. Sometimes I just have a really strong craving for it.

I like drinking 4 oz of unsweetened grapefruit juice just before I eat these days. I noticed it helps pop my blood sugar back up so that when I do eat, I don't overeat if I let myself get too hungry before the meal. A 2 oz shot is good in between meals as well, if I don't make a point of eating in a timely fashion.

I need to get to bed now. I noticed a bad habit of pushing myself well past my bedtime when I'm feeling good. Need to stop doing that!

It's like I'm on Alli

I don't want to keep talking about the effects of my soy allergy, but I'm having another bad day again.

Years ago, before it became an over-the-counter drug, my doctor prescribed orlistat to me in an effort for me to cut my fat intake. I had stopped using butter and other unhealthy fats, but I wanted to eliminate more fat from my diet. Using the drug had a dual effect on me. It deleted a portion of fat that I ingested, as if I had never eaten it, but in the process, there were treatment effects (quite a bit of intestinal discomfort and I had a lot of diarreah) which made me want to avoid eating the fats to begin with.

Soy is doing something like that to me now, without so much intestinal discomfort. I accidently ate something with soy in it this morning, and now my morning is shot. And I'm angry, because I was careless and now I feel horrible and my time is wasted because I'm achy and lethargic all over again. I was so happy yesterday, a completely soy-free day, full of energy. I got a lot done and that felt good. I was looking forward to getting even more done today. I'm feeling rather worthless right now.

To stay on track, I'm going to get rid of all the soy in the house. The boys will have to live soy free as well.

Lazy Sundays

I'm rebelling against fashion today. I'm wearing sweats and an old t-shirt at the moment. They're not stained or torn, by the way. I'm not actually being lazy today. I'm in the middle of doing laundry and ironing, plus I've been helping my oldest son clean and organize his bedroom. I already cooked and did the dishes, and the downstairs is clean. I'm taking a couple of hours to watch a movie about Coco Chanel.

I miss sewing. I miss making beautiful clothes. As I watch the actress doing her needle work and listen to her talk couture, I grow wistful for a good fabric stash and a sewing room. I would kill for some Swiss or funky Liberty print lawn right now. Actually, I just want a lot of cash so I can fly to London to shop for fabric. *sigh*

Okay, I understand not wearing sweats in public everyday. But do I have to be dressed up at home if I know I'm not going anywhere? I want to be comfortable.

It's hot again today, supposed to get to 101. Blech. I don't want to leave the comfort of my air conditioned bedroom.

I think I need a nap.

How does one determine/develop/apply personal style?

I've gone a little deeper into the first chapter of Staging Your Comeback and it's bringing up anger in me. I'm experiencing a lot of anxiety in my chest, resentment, deep sadness...tears are on the brink. This is definitely something I need to work through before I can move forward with other issues.

I realized just a few moments ago that I don't have a vision of what my life will be like on the other side of recovering from health issues, divorce issues and losing weight. I don't see myself past all this current turmoil. I don't see myself. I think about what my days look like now, lots of household chores, busy work, raising sons, dousing minor dramas at my parents' house. None of that feeds my soul. I'm not emotionally, spiritually or creatively nourished by it. It doesn't help me move forward. I feel very mired by it all. I still don't know where I'm going. How will I know when I've arrived?

What does all that have to do with my appearance? I have no idea what to wear every day! I'd like to dress for me, but I don't know who I am? I thought about it in terms of my daily functions...so first thing in the morning, I put on exercise gear. Then later I change into housekeeping and errand-running clothes. How do I interject a sense of personal style into that lifestyle? Why would I bother applying cosmetics and hair product for that?

There's a section in the book about determining one's personal style. I'll keep you posted...

Staging my comeback

I was at Target today with the boys, and while they were going rabid through the video game section, I meandered over to the books. I don't shop for books at Target, because I find their selection to be a little too "pop culture" for me. All the cookbooks were by TV personalities. All the novels had a vampire featured. All the self-help were by Dr. Phil. Nope, that's not workin' for me!

Then I saw Staging Your Comeback: A Complete Beauty Revival for Women Over 45 by Christopher Hopkins. Okay, I wasn't expecting that. I had just left Subway, where the boys and I had lunch, and I saw a parade of women in their 50s and 60s with their breasts pressed together and spilling out of their little t-shirts, capri pants showcasing varicose veins, and smeared red liptstick. I recalled thinking that's what divorcees on the prowl look like and I didn't ever want to go there. So, in light of yesterday's blogging, I caved and bought the book, hoping that I could find my place in the world of beauty.

I'm reading the first chapter right now. There's a quote by Helena Rubenstein: "There are no ugly women, only lazy ones". Is my perceived lack of effort over my appearance rooted in laziness? Well, I suppose a certain amount of it, but I'd rather ascribe it to a different system of priorities, and my personal beauty regimen needed to be very minimal for a portion of my life. Even now, with a burgeoning desire to improve my appearance, I don't know when I'll be able to do this, or how much of my resources to invest in it. What's the payout? Will I feel better about myself? Will I feel more confident? Will I get more done? Will I be able to move mountains? (Because I've always wanted to do that.)

In the first chapter, on page 8, there's a task...List Your Wants. The author asks for a list of my beauty aspirations, how I'd love to look if everything were perfect in my world. Okay, I'll bite:

1. I'll start from the top...I like my hair. I have a lot of hair. As I've gotten older, it's gotten coarser. There's now a distinct wave to it. Not enough to let it dry naturally and it falls in gentle tendrils around my face. It get's a little frizzy. I wish I could manipulate it so that I could put one product in it to make the gentle tendrils happen for me, and let it dry "naturally", and then go through another procedure to get it shiny and straight. I know that all exists. I'm just not sure how. I don't like having the same haircut for long periods of time. I like to experiment, but I don't want to look trendy. I want to look womanly.
2. I have the early signs of rosacea and very dry skin, but with the soy allergy, I have a hard time finding products to address that and even my skin tone without causing my eyes to water. My skin is still fairly wrinkle-free, except for some lines across my forehead. Wish I could erase those. As I've lost weight, the skin under my jawline has gotten a little crepe-like and loose, so I'd like that firmed up somewhat. And my eyelids are heavier now as well, so a bit of a brow lift would be nice. But I wish I could do all that without surgery.
3. I want clean, shiny white teeth and healthy gums to show off a healthy smile. I can do that on my own. I have good teeth. Just need to put more regular effort into them.
4. I need a mole harvest to happen. I have an awful lot of skin tags all over me. One on my eyelid, several around my neck, and other inconvenient places between my neck and hips.
5. My skin overall feels dry and rough. But again, soy allergy prevents me from using anything with glycerin in it.
6. I'm also rather hirsute. I've got a fair amount of chin and mustache going on now. Tried electrolysis, but it didn't work. Tried laser and that didn't work either. Now they're all white and very coarse and stiff. Not at all attractive. I don't know what to do about that. Hair removal over my arms, underarms and legs has never been a good thing for me. I tried Nair and Neet, but that never really worked. Tried waxing a couple of times, but I ended up with the worst rash! And shaving gives similar results. I usually just stay covered up.
7. Due to the weight and my height, I have really poor circulation in my lower legs. As a result, there's some strong discoloration from blood that never circulated out of there. I don't know what to do about that at all. I can't wear dresses unless I wear boots with them. I have one pair of shorts and I only wear those at home. There have been a few occasions when I have gone out of the house in a dress or with shorts and people have stopped me to ask me what's going on with my legs...every time! It would be nice to have that go away, because I have lovely slender ankles and would look nice in a dress!
8. I wish I could find a love for getting regular manicures and pedicures. I don't like to put color on my nails, because I'm a bit rough on the finishes. I work a lot with my hands and I always mess up the color! The whites of my nails are always very white, so a simple buffed finish is what I prefer. And I do like nice, soft heels without cracks. My skin is very dry around my feet as well.
9. I do wish I weighed less. I'd like to have about 20% bodyfat on my. That would put me at around 180 lbs. I like feeling soft, curvy and fleshy, like a body fit for belly dancing. I want to have some really strong muscles and supple joints underneath as well. And I want my skin to be smooth and not sagging anywhere. No more batwings. No more inner thigh masses. No more thick middle and stomach overhang. And I want the "girls" to move back to where they're supposed to be. I'm not sure if I want them to be any bigger. It would be nice if I could move some of my own fat stores in there.
10. And finally, I want really nice, natural posture.

Wow! Who knew the list was going to get so long!

I was thinking about a person to whom I'd look as a beauty icon for me and I can't think of any at the moment. Perhaps someone like Isabella Rosselini. She seems to have a very comfortable beauty. I might have chosen Sophia Loren at one point in my life, but as she has aged, she seems to have a forced beauty and sexuality about her. I don't think we women need to be so wrapped up in putting our sexuality "out there" because then our value seems to be only in our ability to sexually attract someone. And frankly, men aren't that difficult to sexually attract. As a man once told me, he could look at a parade of women of all shapes, sizes and ages walk by and entertain the idea of "doing" practically each and every one of them.

Taking care of myself

Yeah! It's Friday! Now that I'm back in the U.S. and the only parent at home, weekends are a wonderful thing! I'm working hard to keep them free from too much activity, especially early in the day, because I do love to catch up on sleep during my weekends.

I've been laying low this week. Not a lot of posting on my online support groups, and no blogging. I only weighed in once this week...309. I've just been concentrating on avoiding the soy and making healthy food choices and drinking enough water. It's TOM this week, but the diuretic pills seem to help with the excess bloating and cramping. I feel pretty good!

I visited my spa twice this week. I got a long-overdue facial and then an hour-long Thai massage. I am learning to enjoy caring for myself. I don't understand why that's so difficult. Perhaps it's another thing over which I'm rebelling.

I don't like other people telling me what I'm supposed to look like, and there's a long list of people and institutions that felt like weighing in on that responsibility, so not spending time to care for myself was a passive way of removing myself from that situation. It also costs money, and there are so many other things to spend money on that seem far more responsible. I never understood the need to spend more time/money on products and services when I was clean and tidy. I didn't like anyone telling me that participating in certain rituals would make me, somehow, into more of a woman. I know I'm a woman, I have the anatomy to prove that. I'm not confused about who I am.

Perhaps it's because I don't easily fall into any traditional catagories of women. My identity is to not conform and not be tied down by labels. My personal style is very ecclectic and my tastes vary greatly. I eschew ritual and tradition unless I find purpose in it. I know that this taxes people who are trying to get to know me. I don't believe it's a way of putting people off so I don't have to get close to them. Perhaps I am trying to find people who believe in the effort it takes to connect with me. So far, the list of good friends is very short.

Weekends are for me to take time to reconnect with myself. A long indulgent shower, plenty of water to drink, naps, organize my bedroom and bathroom. (I sooooooo love having a bedroom and bathroom to myself - with my white bed linens and white towels - I need one of those white cotton spa robes and matching slippers!)

This week I noticed the more centered and grounded I felt, the better eating choices I made. Unless there are hot dogs in the house. I always choose the hot dogs!

(I found some all beef hot dogs that are completely soy free and uncured. Trader Joe's! Yum! If they were lower in salt, they'd be perfect. I like them cut up in my scrambled eggs, or I nuke one as a quick snack in the late afternoon. I have to limit myself to just two a day, maybe twice a week. 170 calories each. My evil indulgence...)

Energy levels are still low, but mornings are getting better and better. I look forward to cooler weather coming soon so I can go out for walks.

Enthusiasm all over the floor

I'm really dragging this morning. Tried to sound positive on the weight-loss forum I belong to...blah, blah, blah. I didn't eat anything that's bringing me down today, but I don't have any energy this morning. Not enough sleep last night. It's just 9 a.m. and I already want to take a nap, but I have to go to the market first.

I was sick all weekend, fever, aches, etc. I didn't make good eating choices, so I'm back up to 310 this morning. It was the chicken noodle soup. I made it from scratch, I used whole wheat noodles, it was tasty, I wanted comforting, I ate a lot.

I watched some reruns of Biggest Loser and Last 10 Lbs. Bootcamp over the weekend. That was a mistake. I've been feeling emotionally low ever since. Bad cycle of grinding through memories and anger regarding ex-spouse, parents, poor life-choices. It was a really defeatest weekend! My best girlfriend is in China right now and I can't afford to call my therapist, so I'm trying to muscle through my funk on my own. I hope I can get through this soon, because I can't seem to get my head together to work on homework. I did clean the house and get all the laundry done and put away yesterday, so I'm not having to deal with clutter on top of a funk.

I miss my maids! I wonder if my boys would be willing to wash my windows and get all the dust and cobwebs obliterated for some money.

Today I'm making bread. I enjoy making bread. I have an amazing cookbook, The Bread Bible, by Rose Levy Berenbaum. Her recipe for "Soft White Sandwich Loaf" is perfect. Of couse, I modify it by reducing the unbleached flour by half and adding whole wheat and a little gluten flour. It makes a really lovely loaf, although not quite so lofty as the original recipe. The weather is cooler today, in the high 70s, so I'm really getting into the mood for baking. Maybe I'll make some monkey bread too!

(I know, there's lots of butter and sugar in that recipe, but I'm trying to figure out how to cut back on that. Tomorrow is my little boy's 12th birthday and I want to make some of his favorites for him. I've been playing the Buckwheat Boyz' "Ice Cream and Cake" from the Baskin Robbins website all weekend to get him excited for his birthday. No party with lots of presents and friends this year, just a small ice cream cake, one friend, and a couple of meaningful gifts. I'm getting him a guitar tomorrow and his big brother is getting him the newest Nerf gun.)

In a quandry about alcohol

This morning I stopped at Safeway for my weekly allotment of spinach. Usually, since I live downwind of the General Mills plant, the morning air carries toasty notes of Cheerios or the hint of sugary faux vanilla from the Lucky Charms. But this morning, my nose detected the initial heady stages of wine production. It's wine-making season again!

Two weeks ago I went winery-hopping with my girlfriend Neelima. We had a better-than-good time. We had to force ourselves to get some bready sandwiches half into our excursion, because we started to get far too friendly with each other, gushing with complements. I seem to recall a "Damn! You go girl!" spilled out of my mouth a couple of times. We found some really delightful wines. So far, I think the Michael-David Petite Petit 2006 is my favorite, a fruity and smooth vintage blend of Syrah and Verdot. I bought six bottles. If you stop at the Phillips Farms Fruitstand Cafe at Hwy 12 and I-5, wine tasting is free on weekdays. And the more you buy, the more you save. (They make some amazing fruit pies as well, and you can take them home!)

But last week, I had to start taking my blood pressure meds. Damn! I really was going to start drinking a glass of wine every night with my dinner! The more I read about drinking alcohol in moderation, the more I like the idea. All I want is a glass of good wine or a single mixed drink. I'd have a Tanqueray and soda with lime while I'm cooking dinner, or the Petite Petit with dinner, or even a fine glass of Taylor 40-year-old tawny port. I even have all three in place, but my bp meds say to not drink alcohol when I'm taking them. But I have to question that. I take my meds in the morning, first thing. I don't want to drink until after 6 p.m. I don't want to drink more than 8 oz. of wine or port or a shot or two of distilled alcohol. I know, I should call my pharmacist and see what he says.

I just read online (so, you know...it's true!) that drinking more than two 8 0z. alcoholic beverages a day can cause a rise in bp, but alternately, a single drink per day for women, and two for men, is safe and actually helpful. But the article also states to talk to your doctor before doing that. Okay, so I'll talk to my doctor.

I hope she says it's okay, because I've also got a couple of bottles of the Michael-David 2006 Incognito Viognier that would be awesome with sushi!

NSV of the week

(In the weight-loss forum universe, an NSV is a non-scale victory.)

Over a year ago I bought myself a pair of boots. They were specifically made for those with really wide calves. At the time, my calves were 19.5" in circumfrence. Most boot shafts come in 13" to 14" circumfrences. Maybe...someday...but not yet.

So, I'm looking at my closet to decide what to wear to my parents' 50th anniversary party at a local Greek restaurant on Sunday. I've been saving this one dress, a wrap-style dress with a pretty Pucci-like geometric print in purple, cream and black. My stomach used to protrude a little too unattractively in the center front and the sleeves, while stretchy, were on the snug side. I tried the dress on last night. My stomach is not so noticable any longer, and the sleeves are actually loose!

Because of the discoloration of my skin on my lower legs, I don't wear short dresses any longer. It's why I bought the boots last year. This dress would look great if I wore the boots with it. So I put on the whole ensemble last night, and the boots are now way too loose! In fact, they're downright floppy! I need to have the shafts reduced in size by at least 1.5".

(I can't find anyone locally who will do this for me, so I might need to do it myself on my sewing machine. I need to go get a set of leather needles and some leather glue. But that's not going to happen before Sunday evening, so I ordered another pair of boots from Zappos just now.)

I waited a few hours before deciding to eat breakfast this morning, drank a lot of water, and right now, I'm feeling pretty good. Energy is higher than yesterday, I'm getting some housework done, and I'm about to do some upper body resistance training again.

I think tomorrow will be the day I officially start Pilates at home. I let my mother borrow my DVD, but she says it's too hard for her to do, so she gave it back to me. I'm going to move the furniture in the morning, throw a mat down and do my 35 minutes warm-up to Gaiam's AM Stretch DVD, and then the Pilates DVD.

Someone is coming by this afternoon to buy some of my Medifast stock. So I'll get some money back for it, which will pay for my younger son's birthday. He's turning 12 next week. Yesterday, I conned him into attending a taekwando class. He was really resistant, and when I pulled up to the studio, he snapped on his sulk-face really fast. I dragged him in, we chatted with the owner/instructor and I think we both got a really good feeling about the guy. So my son agreed to try the first free class. By the end of the hour, he made new friends and he actually picked up the moves pretty quickly. He even admitted to liking it!

I'm so glad he agreed to commit to taekwando for the remainder of the school year. Without a strong, positive male roll model around, he was foundering for direction. As is evident by my writing here, the Discipline crayon was not included in my Crayola life-skills set. But my little boy somehow got a dose of it. In him I see a natural ability to organize and maintain his life. We want to nurture that, because other people seem to appreciate that quality, although it confounds and escapes me and my older son, aka The Free-Thinking Artists Club.

I have been good about taking my meds everyday for over a week now! That's progress, right?

Diuretic free-fall holding at 305 lbs.

Oh, I'm that much closer to breaking past 300 lbs, but it's still teasing me.

So, I think I'm done with talking about the diuretic and the soy allergy. I'm addressing that stuff and if I experience anything new, it'll like show up here. It's time to get back to work, back to exercising.

Yesterday I started back on weight training. It feels the best to me when I'm dealing with the sluggishness after eating something with soy in it. I just did a couple of simple things, some rotator cuff work to get my shoulders ready to work out with larger weights for my arms. I also included some incline fly work and modified wall pushups to help firm up my chest. With all the exercises, I chose to work without any weights because it's been months since I've done anything. I was surprised, but today I'm really experiencing some muscle soreness, and it feels good!

Today the eating included something with soy, although I read labels. Maybe it really still is the thyroid. I don't have anything conclusive back from the doctor, so I'm just going to move forward. Tomorrow I want to feel alert again, so I'm thinking another day of just water would be good, to clean my system out. I seem to feel really good for a few days after I do that. I want to have the energy to spend some real time on my rowing machine.

305!

Yesterday, we went to the movies. I got the giant tub of popcorn, with movie butter (which probably had soy in it). I was groggy for the rest of the evening. I ate far too much popcorn. I actually got full on it, and then proceeded to have dinner later at around 8 pm (bean and cheese burritos, Mexican rice and corn on the cob with butter). I don't like eating so late, and I wasn't really hungry, and yet, I still ate. And this morning, I still lost another pound.

This diuretic really feels like cheating. It's leading me to unwise choices. This morning we went to Denny's (my niece is visiting and we're having some fun over the weekend, which includes not cooking). I ordered their top sirloin steak and eggs with hashbrowns and sourdough toast. I also had three cups of coffee with half-n-half. I almost ordered their pancake bites, but resisted. The rest of today will be filled with better choices, veggie choices.

I've lost ten pounds in the last week. My clothes don't fit differently, but I'm noticing that my shoes are roomier, my calves and forearms are softer and my rings fit again. So I must have been carrying the excess water in my extremities. Maybe my low-rise pants are just a teensy bit easier to button at the waist.

The Denny's breakfast is starting to make me groggy. I notice that if I've had something with soy, I get sleepy within 30 minutes to an hour. And no amount of coffee will help me with that. Maybe I'll just drink water for the rest of the day.

Puzzle pieces falling into place

I'm never going off this diuretic! This morning I weighed in at 306!

Actually, I don't want to be on the diuretic forever. I would like to be off all medication. Hopefully, when the divorce and the hypothyroidism are managed, and I lose another 30 lb, my bp will be back to normal.

I've been reading up on the affects of food allergies and weight gain. There's definitely a connection, and it definitely applies to soy allergies. There are a lot of websites that try to sell some product to cleanse a colon or repair a leaky gut, but I'm also finding a lot of research to support backing away from the use of soy altogether.

About 10 years ago I started to experience an allergic reaction to soaps, perfumes and dyes. I can't wear any eye makeup without getting a strong irritation in my eyes. Deoderants affect me as well with rashes. And today I was reading how all those products contain soy. So it's not just the food. The best way to stay away from soy...don't buy anything with an ingredient label on it!

I stopped using commercial soap several years ago and only use olive oil soap. I switched to a natural brand of shampoo, but now I'm going to have to look into that as well. I haven't worn perfume in years, with the exception of some Arabic oudh that I don't get a reaction to. All my detergents are natural and scent free because going down the laundry detergent aisle at the market burned my nose and eyes.

I read tonight that soy can cause pancreatic issues (which is a cause for type 2 diabetes). There is so much misinformation out about soy surrounding the benefits. I have a lot of reading to do.

I know it's just the diuretic, but...

308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308! 308!

Baby steps towards optimum health

I finally got my new GoWearFit armband (the larger size) in the mail, so now I have to dig out my device and put it on again. And I will stop weighing myself on a daily basis.

That didn't stop me from weighing in this morning. 311! So close to breaking past my first mini-goal of 310! Maybe it's just the diuretic working. I don't care. I drank plenty of water yesterday and trotted to the bathroom a lot, but I don't feel like I was in there much more than usual.

I was able to stay away from soy the remainder of the day yesterday and felt a lot better. Perhaps I don't have a thyroid issue at all! That would be great, because I'd rather avoid soy than take pills for the rest of my life.

Today, I'm still feeling a little achy and sleepy. I'm sure the sleepy thing is because I stayed up late last night. No more of that!

I'm sorting my Medifast products today to get them ready to sell to someone else. There are a few products that I can still use, so I'll keep those. I'll have to try them and gauge how I feel. The website said they were soy free but still processed in a plant that uses soy in other products.

I'm on the prowl for soy-free chickens and eggs today.

¡Yo soy!

I'm really beginning to see a trend with the soy, now that I'm more aware of a possible allergy connected to it. Early this morning I decided to eat breakfast. I fried two eggs in olive oil and had that with a piece of homemade organic whole wheat bread. Didn't have any problems with that at all and continued to go on with my day's work. A little while ago I had a craving for turkey chili from Trader Joes, with a slice of Monterey Jack cheese on it. Within 3o minutes, the achiness and lethargy are back.

I'm going to have to make everything from scratch, because soy is so pervasive in our American foods. I've been reading up on soy allergies. According to one website, it seems to be a rare thing for an adult to develop. But at another website, they state that more and more adults find they are allergic to soy, and that soy is now included in 60% of what we eat. On yet another website I read the following statement:

Adult development of a soy allergy can be caused by overexposure during stressful periods in your life.

They claim it happens to women, especially during menopause. I definitely think I qualify.

Later today, after my daily requisite nap, I think I'll go through the pantry, fridge and freezers and sort out the products that contain soy. The boys can have that stuff. Once we've cleared the house of those products, as well as the rest of the illicit foods that remain (and there will be whining and tears when those all go), hopefully we'll see a overall improvement in everyone. Both my sons have rashes all over their arms and backs. It was something I experienced when I was young as well and we never found the cause of it.

I'm not going to be popular for quite some time.